I could not think of any conflict that I am currently having. I think of my self as a non-confrontational person. I am respectful and open- minded, I try my best to respond to conflicts in a matter that everyone wins.
I thought back to the time when my daughters were younger and they shared a bedroom. My oldest daughter always complained about how her sister would mess the room up after she had cleaned it up. My husband and I decided to stay out of it and let them work it out. One evening while my husband was at work and I was in the kitchen cooking. My oldest daughter came running into the kitchen yelling " Mom she has done it again". While she was outside playing her sister had messed up the room looking for her favorite sweater. I took a deep breath and decided I had to deal with this matter that day, right then because it had gotten out of hand. I called a meeting with both girls in the family room. They both tried to speak at the same time which I stopped immediately. The girls must of known I meant business because they both stopped. I asked the oldest to voice her concerns which ( I had heard many time)she did. Every time she raised her voice I asked her to bring it down and she did. She explained how she was tried of her sister messing the room up after she had clean it up and she wanted her own room. My youngest daughter sat looking and listening to her sister with an expression on her face that stated who cares what she wanted. I calmly asked the youngest why she kept messing the room up after her sister had clean it. My youngest looked at me and stated, "Mommy, she never talk to me except when she is fussing at me about cleaning the room. I kind of laugh to myself. I talked to the oldest about talking to her youngest sister in a kind and respectful way. I also talked to the youngest to remind her we do not do bad things to get what we want from others. My girls made peace with each other and their father and I was glad about that.
As I think back on this experience I learned that some conflicts need to be dealt with right away before they get out of hand. I can also identify using the strategies of deep listening, compromising. compassion, allowing each to express their feelings, Respect and attentiveness was also used in dealing with the conflict.
References
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
I like the way you sat both of the girls down and gave them both a chance to talk. I like that you reminded them to keep their tone and words respectful and taught them to listen and care about the other person. One of the preschools I worked in had a peace flower in the room. When someone started to argue, anyone from the room could grab the peace flower and hand it to them. Whoever was holding the flower had the right to talk and if you were not holding the flower you had to listen. I think this taught a great lesson to the children of listening and coming up with solutions. They also had a tool box in the room with cards that had ideas for solutions to typical classroom problems. Kids could go to the tool box and look at the pictures and remember different ideas they had to help solve their problems.
ReplyDeleteHello Barbara,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job at defusing the situation. You allowed them both to voice their sides of the story one at a time in front of the other so they can hear how the other sister felt about the situation without yelling and letting emotions get involved causing the other party to get upset. I think you did a great job using many of the communication strategies such as deep listening, compromising, compassion, and allowing the other party to voice their opinion.
Barbara,
ReplyDeleteI had to do the same thing with my girls when they were younger. It taught them how to respect each other and hear what one is saying. Good post. Thanks for sharing.
Sandra
Barbara,
ReplyDeleteYou were a great mediator in this conflict between your daughters. You did a great job handling it! Great example!